Reboot
A few years ago, I was on vacation in Hawaii reading Jerry Colonna’s Reboot when I came across a question that made me pause:
“How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?”
At the time, I was frustrated professionally.
I had a clear idea of where I thought we needed to go. Others saw it differently. I believed part of my job as a leader was to create alignment, so I kept trying.
I explained my viewpoint. I made the case for the direction I thought we should take. When that didn’t work, I tried explaining it differently. More clearly. Probably more forcefully.
Eventually, I had to recognize something that was harder for me to accept:
They understood me. They just didn’t agree with me.
I’ve always believed in communication. I still do. A lot of problems inside organizations come from people not clearly understanding expectations, priorities or why a decision has been made.
But sometimes communication isn’t the problem.
Sometimes smart, well-intentioned people understand one another perfectly well and still see things differently. At some point, continuing to push your position doesn’t create alignment. It just creates more frustration.
That was my part in the situation.
Colonna’s question forced me to stop focusing on what everyone else needed to do differently and consider what I was doing to contribute to the very situation I was frustrated with.
The first day back from Hawaii, my employer and I agreed it was time for a change.
The book didn’t cause the decision. The issues were already there. But it helped me see them differently.
Years later, I still come back to that experience when I see leaders repeatedly trying to solve the same problem.
I’ve learned to separate three things that can look very similar.
Sometimes there is an understanding problem. People don’t understand the expectation or direction. That’s a communication issue. Slow down, clarify it and make sure everyone understands what you’re trying to accomplish.
Sometimes there is an execution problem. Everyone understands and agrees on the objective, but the work isn’t getting done. That’s where expectations, resources and accountability matter.
And sometimes there is an alignment problem. Everyone understands. Everyone is capable. They simply don’t agree on where to go.
That’s different.
You can work through disagreement. You can compromise. New information can change someone’s perspective. But you can’t create genuine alignment simply by explaining the same position more forcefully.
I learned that one the hard way.
I was treating an alignment problem like a communication problem. The harder I tried to fix it, the more frustrated everyone became.
That experience has changed the way I approach problems today.
When I’m frustrated with an employee, partner, client or organization, I try to spend less time focusing on what they need to change and first look at the part of the situation I can control.
That doesn’t mean taking responsibility for someone else’s behavior. Employees underperform. Partnerships stop working. People make bad decisions. Sometimes two people simply want different things.
But part of my work is asking business owners difficult questions. I don’t think I have much business asking those questions if I’m unwilling to ask them of myself.
I still have strong opinions. I still believe leaders need conviction. And I’m probably never going to stop making my case when I believe strongly in something.
What I’ve gotten better at is recognizing the difference between not being understood and not being agreed with.
They aren’t the same thing.
Sometimes the answer isn’t to communicate more clearly or make a better argument. Sometimes it’s recognizing what kind of problem you’re actually trying to solve and being willing to look at your own role in creating it.
Soundtrack: Tom Petty - Time To Move On
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